Hello,

It's been seven months since I arrived here and I'm still confused about one thing: do Spanish people stare at me because I'm outrageously good looking or because I look ridiculously foreign? I've resisted the traditional Spanish hairstyle thus far but I'm starting to think that, as I only have just over two months left, it might be time for me to get the traditional chop for the sake of belonging and being stared at less.

My quest for linguistic perfection is continuing and every intention I have is a good one. For instance, when I was booking my bus online for a recent trip to the north of Spain, I had the choice between two seats to myself or one next to a stranger. Obviously I chose the seat next to the stranger as I figured that this (10 hour journey) would be a perfect way to meet and practice with what I predicted could be a friend for life sitting next to me. Unfortunately, Fortuna had something else in store for me and she decided to place me next to a charming man who not only smelt of durian but also I immediately suspected that he couldn't speak a word of Spanish. I gradually worked this out whenever he passed me his ringing phone and saying "it's for you" and I had the lucky opportunity to speak to his shouting friend every 15 minutes. Not a problem, I'm sure I'll get plenty more opportunities.

Punctuality in Spain is notoriously awful. There was a special announcement in one of my classes to say that the following week the same class would actually be starting on time and that it wouldn't be 30 minutes late like normal. In another class the teacher stood up fifteen minutes in (having been fifteen minutes late) to say that she was stopping the class as we were covering the material too quickly. These aren't really issues for a country where you know that tomorrow is another (working) day but here things are quite different.

A Falla: Bacchus having a bath

The mother of all holidays here is a celebration called 'Fallas' where the city shuts down and the party begins for 5 days straight. This is something I had been looking forward to since I had arrived and it is quite impossible to describe to the outsider how the whole thing happens. Each neighbourhood has a sort of society called a 'casal faller' that raises money to build vast papier-mâché structures called 'fallas' and these are placed in each neighbourhood for all to walk past and see. Valencia is known to be the European capital of fireworks (as I was told by a drunk man) and it is with no surprise that the law is changed for the duration of this festival so that you can throw almost military grade explosives in the street. It's impossible to sleep. Everyday at 2pm for the first 19 days of March there is a firework display in the main plaza called the 'Mascletà' which is more to do with sound than light. It is worth a watch for the last minute or so of the video, look at the decibel count. There is a 30min firework display every night followed the inevitable street parties throughout the streets of the entire city. On the last night of 'Fallas' all the 'fallas' (the structures) are gloriously burnt and it is an absolute pleasure to see roughly €200,000-300,000 go up in smoke. Book your flights for next year.

How to burn €s

I've become marginally interested in Parkour here and tried to perfect something similar to this trick the other night and managed to do some damage. I found myself the following morning sitting in a wheelchair waiting for an X-ray alongside the elderly (who I presumed all had Parkour injuries as well) as well as a Jim Morrison lookalike staring at me and talking to himself. After unsuccessfully asking for some crutches, I found myself hopping out of the hospital with the same hop I entered it with and I sat in the back of a taxi whilst the radio appropriately played REM's 'Everybody Hurts'.

New Balance/No Balance

The Spanish don't tend to say goodbye too often. Instead they opt for 'hasta luego' which means see you later. Although they're very friendly, they do have a competitive edge. For instance if you're in a lift and someone else enters they'll immediately greet you. The lift silence commences until they get off/you get off. At this point it is common to say 'hasta luego'. Very friendly. But what you don't realise is that there is an unwritten competition whereby the person who says 'hasta luego' in a more ridiculous way gets a point, and instead they say something along the lines of 'awa wego' or 'aaaaaaaaaao' or' 'ao'. This is very fun and now that I've cracked the game I'm starting to rack up points which I hope will lead me to Spanish paradise (fluency). You should play it as well.

¡Aaaaaaaaaao!